i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
