The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
