You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
