I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize