So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
