where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She bit a glass in half.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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