Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
