If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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