I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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