your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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