I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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