In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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