Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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