win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
