Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
