No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
