forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
