I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
