I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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