A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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