It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We were destined to go to rehab together
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize