I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
