Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
