Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
