How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
