as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
