One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
