Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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