I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
