You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
