Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
