Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
