You just made me feel so damn special
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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