apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
