Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She's JV to your varsity
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
