Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
