I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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