how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
