How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize