Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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