like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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