I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize