How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
