my mouth tastes like poor choices
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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