im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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