Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize