Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
