Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
