you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
