I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
