The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
