He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
