you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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