just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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