I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
