even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize