Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Enjoy the penises
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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