how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
