I wish I could teleport
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize