I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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