My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
