She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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