I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
