I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
