sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
