I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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