If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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