we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
