my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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