how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
