Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
