yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
