apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
