His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
