No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The Olympian is in my bed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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