You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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