I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
