I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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