lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
