You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
