brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
