I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
