It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
