i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Alive.
So much puke
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
