i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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