I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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