Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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