Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
