having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
