420 ftw
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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