a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
