Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
