4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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