I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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