Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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