we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
