Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
