I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize