I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
