Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
