listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
