Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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