Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
